


I Can Do This

by Joking611



Series: Cari'ssi'mi Drabbles [37]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 14:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11853684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joking611/pseuds/Joking611
Summary: Shepard could use some practice in her self affirmation skills





	I Can Do This

**Author's Note:**

> Challenge Yourself: A Month Of Fanfiction 2017
> 
> Tuesday 8/15's Prompt: Past, Present, Future all in the same fic

Shepard blinked as she noticed the time. Mid-afternoon. _‘Huh’_

Technically it was the middle of her duty shift, but in practice Pressly ran the day to day on the Normandy, just like she had expected to when she was XO. She rubbed the bridge of her nose, wondering if the tightness she felt in her eyes was the result of too much caffeine, too long staring at her terminal, or both.

 _‘You can never have too much caffeine,’_ she reminded herself. 

She had duty rosters, procurement reports, material consumption data, and even personnel reviews that needed her attention. She also knew that after seven hours of admin work, the likelihood that she would get much more done today was fairly low. She still had data that the Council had forwarded to her to review that she had yet to even glance at.

Anything forwarded to her by Tevos tended to be dry as a bone and twice as dull. Fortunately she knew someone who would happily help review it, and even boil it down into small, Commander Shepard sized, key points. All she’d have to do would be to bribe her with ice cream.

Still, seven hours of work was deserving of a break. She was new to her command, and her pride wouldn’t let her do less than her best. She also knew that meant taking care of herself both mentally and physically.

Rationalization fully achieved, Shepard stepped out of her cabin, datapad in hand. She was already mentally preparing her request for Liara’s assistance.

The hatch to her cabin barely closed behind her when she heard Wrex’ booming voice.

“…And then she told Fist she wasn’t his problem! Ha! Turns out that the handsome krogan next to her was. He never saw it coming.”

“He was unarmed, Wrex,” she heard Garrus remind him.

Wrex and Garrus in the mess? That was unusual. Shepard hesitated, still not rounding the corner into their view.

“Shepard seems to follow a very specific set of rules Garrus.” Now Tali had chimed in. “But she also doesn’t force others to follow them.”

“Good,” Wrex again. “Not that I would have let her get between me and Fist, but I’m glad it wasn’t necessary. Blowing up geth has been a lot of fun.” There was a pause that sounded like he was taking a drink. “Worked out to your advantage too, Tali. If we’d taken time to argue over Fist, we might not have have made it to rescue you from Saren’s men.”

“Rescue is something the commander seems to do very well.”

At the sound of Liara’s voice, Shepard’s legs seemed to move forward of their own volition, carrying her to the mess, and into the conversation being held by her nonhuman squadmates.

“Hey guys.” Four heads turned in her direction. Although she could only read the emotion on one of the faces, that emotion seemed welcoming? Pleasantly surprised?

“Shepard,” Wrex greeted the commander with a nod as he rose from the table. “Wondered what you were up to. Dull around here today. You planning to liven it up?”

“I wish, Wrex.” She waved her datapad. “Just paperwork. We’ve got two days until we get to the next reported geth sighting. Not much else to do until then.”

He passed her on his way back to the table, having poured himself a glass of something horrible looking that Shepard hoped was at least non-alcoholic. “If you’re going after geth, I want in,” he said as he sat down. This time he’d positioned himself at the opposite end of the table from Liara, leaving the only spot available the one he’d previously occupied next to the asari. It was almost as if he’d been looking out for her, and now that the commander was present he was passing that detail off to Shepard. The commander shook her head at the ridiculous thought even as she sat next to the young archaeologist. Liara seemed to shift a little in her direction, but Shepard convinced herself it was probably just wishful thinking.

“Have I missed anything?” Shepard wondered what brought all the nonhumans together, and hoped it wasn’t some anti-alien comment from a member of the crew.

“Just killing time, Shepard.” Garrus was the first to respond. “Tali came out of the engine room while the mako was running a diagnostic cycle, so we came up here.” He indicated the empty mess. “Not that anything’s going on here either.”

Sarah nodded. “We’ve got a couple of days of downtime. I imagine that most everyone who’s off duty is either catching up on sleep, or relaxing until dinner.”

Tali nodded, one of the few forms of nonverbal communications that Shepard could read through the quarian’s suit. “Adams made me leave engineering. He said I was working too hard, and that I had to take at least an 8 hour break.” She bowed her head shyly. “I set a timer.”

“And I followed them up here,” added Wrex, without justifying doing so.

They all turned to Liara, who was holding her cup of tea to her lips. Her eyes widened. “I did not really…”

Wrex waved an arm in her direction. “I brought Blue out here. She can’t sit in that closet all the time.” He looked around, as if daring someone to contradict him.

Liara looked like she was about to panic. “I don’t mind! Really! It has everything I need!”

“Uh, OK?” Shepard was nonplussed at Liara’s outburst. She looked around the table, wondering if it was related to an earlier part of the conversation. “Tell me if you do need something though, all right?”

“I promise, Shepard.” Liara’s demeanor eased back to its usual calm. Shepard thought she was on the verge of whiplash as Liara reached over to claim the commander’s datapad. “Is that another message from Tevos?”

 _‘Damn,’_ thought Shepard. Maybe she was a bit more transparent than she’d hoped. “I thought maybe you could help me again with some of the context?”

Liara simply met her eyes. Shepard had no idea how long she stared into the dazzling blue before Liara’s response registered. “Of course, Shepard.” She stood and started towards the medbay. “Perhaps we can take this somewhere where we will not disturb the others?” The medbay hatch closed on her final word.

The others just looked at her in silence, before she finally rose. “Well, back to work.” She turned before Wrex could have time to make a snide comment.

 _“I can do this,”_ she reassured herself as she made her way to the medbay.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

It was time to go.

The Normandy had been at Hagalaz for nearly a week.

First they had engaged the Shadow Broker. Then there had been repairs and assistance required to keep the broker’s base flight worthy. Chakwas had wanted some time with Feron as well, waving off the drell’s objections as she treated him for the abuse he’d received during two years of confinement.

Most of that week though, and been spent in the dance. The dance with Liara. The dance where they had said so much, while saying as little as possible. Talking while avoiding such subjects as her death, the time Liara had spent on Illium as an information broker, her fixation on Feron, their relationship.

Gods, their relationship.

Shepard had wallowed into Illium this last time barely functioning. The mission, meeting with Anderson, her visit to Thessia, all of it meaningless. Her matter-of-fact interactions with Liara had left her despondent. She’d continued to return to Illium, spacing out her missions, each providing an opportunity to see Liara again, to try to win back the doctor’s heart.

Liara had asked about her health, but had otherwise seemed distracted. She’d allowed Shepard to assist her in minor ways, but had never opened up to the human, was never willing to discuss what had happened while she’d been gone.

Drinking in Eternity, Shepard had almost convinced herself that it wasn’t worth it. The galaxy could just go to hell. She’d be letting down her squad, the crew, her family back on Thessia. Hell, she’d be killing them, let’s be honest with herself. She just couldn’t being herself to care. A galaxy where she wasn’t with Liara wasn’t worth saving. She knew it was selfish of her, knew it wasn’t fair to everyone she’d be giving to the reapers. It just didn’t matter.

Then Miranda had found her. She’d needed assistance to rescue her sister, help only Commander Shepard could provide. Into the breach once more.

Afterwards her XO had something else. A dossier containing information that could lead Liara to the Shadow Broker’s base. The base the Normandy was currently docked with. Suddenly Liara was more animated than Shepard had seen her since her resurrection. The information had led them to fighting their way across Illium, ignoring each other during the flight to Sowilo, and finally to this.

Sarah looked at the asari sleeping next to her. Liara was curled around one of Shepard’s pillows like her life depended on it. Otherwise, the maiden looked relaxed, content. Shepard had no way of knowing that this was the first time Liara had appeared so in over two years.

But it wasn’t enough. Shepard had tried to show her everything in the meld, but Liara had held back, only tentatively sharing herself. Sarah needed to know where she stood, needed Liara to know how she felt, how she’d loved her, how she was serious about “little blue children.” And if Liara didn’t feel the same, well, the Normandy could probably outrun the reapers until she died of old age.

Shepard steeled herself as she reached for Liara’s shoulder, hesitant to wake the beautiful asari, but knowing she couldn’t wait any longer.

 _‘I can do this,’_ she thought.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

She cupped Liara’s face, trying to ignore the smears of blood and grime her gauntleted hand left behind.

“You mean everything to me, Liara. You always will.” It was no exaggeration, and both knew it.

Shepard backed away, focusing her eyes on Liara’s face, imprinting it to memory, refusing to let her eyes wander downward to the asari’s wounded leg, and the blood pooling beneath it.

“I am yours,” Liara’s breathless reply.

Sarah took every ounce of strength she had to wave her arm to the soldiers on the ramp, and Garrus specifically. “Go!”

She could hear the Normandy lift behind her, as she ran towards the beam, towards Harbinger.

 _‘I can’t do this,’_ she thought as she stumbled forward, _‘But I’m going to do it anyway.’_


End file.
